Reflections

Looking back this past year from Cael at Day 1 to now... I realized that time indeed has gone by so fast. I wish I could have had more patience with him. He was quite a fussy baby when evenings came and nothing except being held in the arms WALKING and ROCKING would soothe him. Needless to say, that was not something I could do all night long. Cael cried a lot in his first three months. The nights were not easy. I found out that the only way he would sleep at night was when I turned on the vent in the bathroom. The minute I turn it off, he starts wailing. So yeah, I slept in the bathroom a lot, if you can call those few minutes of catnaps here and there sleep. I remember a midnight when he was a week old or maybe two, when I was crying and crying in the bathroom feeling so tired and depressed and stressed, I had just fed him, and had swaddled and put him on a boppy pillow on the floor with the vent on and pumping out his next meal (I gave up trying to latch him on) and I just had to SOS someone and I turned on the laptop and managed to get a friend on the other side of the continent to help with the million questions I had on how to handle this little one. I think being a first time parent is a very daunting task. Nothing prepares you for the sleepless nights, the way to handle your baby, what works. It is a very hands on experience and you learn as you go. I thank God I had family and friends who each taught me a little bit of everything. First of all, it is OK for a baby to cry. That is how they communicate. In the beginning, it was very 'distraughtful' for me to hear the baby cry. The way Cael cries is very scary. He will just go on a long wail without stopping to take a breath. That scared me to pieces so I try to never let him cry. That is a mistake. Sometimes I really think they just need to have a little cry to 'clean' their system out. So yeah, eventually I would just let him cry, but never for very long. Both his dad and I called it his sleep routine. He got over it after 3 months or so. Eventually he started sleeping longer and longer at night. It got much better once he started baby food. I guess his tummy stays full longer. And now I am VERY HAPPY to say that he goes down at 7pm at night and gets picked up at 6.30am in the morning. Sometimes he is awake and just talking to himself and sometimes just laying quietly waiting for me. On the weekends, his daddy likes to pick him up as soon as he stirs. He will then be laying on daddy's chest until mommy's gets up to get his milk.
I am really glad I was fortunate enough to stay home and watch this little one grow. Looking at my friends' newborn baby and comparing her with Cael, I cannot believe how one short year can make such a big difference. He is a big boy now. He communicates (without crying), he knows simple instructions, he claps when I say good job or clever boy, he walks, he plays, he dances, he loves watching Baby Einstein, and so many other things. And I got the privilege of seeing him do his FIRST everything. It is such an honor.